Queer Diaries

Embarking I am on a strange journey tonight, my fellow guests. Started writing without knowing where and how it will end. At least, I know the topic. Fatherhood.

Recently I found that I will not become a father as I expected and hoped for, after all. Well, that may sound a bit strange, taking into account what I am, but, honestly, desire to have a child should not be strange at all, at least from my point of perspective.

Desire to conceive and have a child and become a parent is something that comes naturally to many people, and I do not consider myself an exception. I guess it has something to do with one’s need to love, to give and to share. To love another human being unconditionally, to give one’s life a new purpose and to share that very life with someone who needs both all that love and help to start a life of his/her own. And that desire has nothing to do with another desire, one that attracts us to sexual partners, either of opposite or the same sex. Well, what I want to say is that the fact that one is gay or lesbian does not disable that person from ability to be a parent and have a child. There are many different kinds of love, one not excluding the other.

Love you feel for your partner, whether it is a husband, a wife, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or even just a mate is something entirely different from the love you feel for your parents, which is different from the love you feel for your children and the love you feel for your country.

I’ve been thinking about having a child for quite a long time. Yes, when you’re gay, it is not easy, you do not engage in sexual relations with women that might result in pregnancy and, eventually, new baby being born. You are also often challenged by many obstacles, social misunderstanding, prejudices and complete social insecurity when it comes to rights of participation in the upbringing. But that all does not matter, you still want yourself a pretty little baby. Want to see it smile happily, want to hold it, to see it grow and glow. :)